With each and every day comes a new Donald Trump allegation of improper sexual behavior. Since I have a job which allows me plenty of hours to ponder such things, I found myself asking, how could we trust and elect such an alleged, but not yet proven, groper of women? And unfortunately for Trump, so are many in his own party. And while Mr. Trump is more than happy with the size of his hands, his inability to use his best words, words he told us he has, have been unable to stem the tide of party defections. But then again, he was never their candidate, he was the peoples candidate chosen during the Republican Primaries this year. Their stated support of his candidacy was nothing more than a timid attempt at party unity and that some of these supporters, defeated by him after an ugly primary and series of debates, may be getting the last laugh.
But I want to know, how would Donald Trump fit into the mold of a POTUS? Well, if you go back through history you would see he fits right in. Many of our past Presidents have had their own sex scandals and marital affairs. Some you may know, others not so much. It would be easy to bring up the affairs of Bill Clinton or John F. Kennedy, but I went back and tried to find some I wasn’t even aware of-
- Warren G. Harding is probably one of the worse Presidents in U.S. History for reasons other than his politics. Harding had two notable affairs and fathered at least one child in those relationships, not to mention paid hush money to keep one of the affairs secret. Warren G. also liked to take the action to one of the coat closets in the anteroom…relying on the Secret Service to knock if Mrs. Harding showed up (don’t look for this on the White House tour). Apparently him and Jerry…yes he named his man part…saw plenty of action, but claimed his marriage to Florence was only…”necessary for appearance sake.”
- Grover Cleveland was a lawyer in Buffalo, NY, when a young woman named Maria Crofts Halpin claimed to have had a son after Cleveland sexually assaulted her. Because of Cleveland’s political maneuvers, her son wound up in a foster home and Halpin was sent to an insane asylum. This story came out when Cleveland ran for President in 1884. Grover’s opponents chanted “Ma, ma, where’s my Pa?” and after Cleveland’s victory, his supporters came up with their own chant: “He’s gone to the White House, ha, ha, ha!” I wonder what they said during his campaign.
- This was never in my school history books, but James Buchanan may have been our first openly gay President. A bachelor, Buchanan lived for 15 years with pro-slavery Alabama Senator William Rufus King. In Washington, Buchanan and King were commonly called “Siamese twins,” which is possibly slang for gay and lesbian couples during this era. The always Ignorant Former President Andrew Jackson referred to King as “Miss Nancy.” In a letter to President James Polk’s wife, Democrat Aaron Brown called King, Buchanan’s “better half,” “his wife,” and “Aunt Fancy”.
- We all know Lyndon Johnson became President after the assassination of Kennedy. While many marvel at the number of women JFK had affairs with, Johnson had his own affairs. He actually brags about bedding more women than Kennedy. Johnson and “Jumbo”, yes he named his too, also carried on two long term affairs. One of 20 years with a woman named Madeline Brown and another 30 year romp with a woman named Alice Glass. Johnson, always proud of Jumbo, never hesitated to show him off, even if the moment wasn’t quite right. Jumbo is also the answer to the question, “Why are we still in Veitnam?” To that question the President unfurled Jumbo and said, “Here’s why!”
- Calvin Coolidge and the Coolidge Effect? One day, the President and Mrs. Coolidge were visiting a farm. They were taken off on separate tours and as they passed the chicken pens, Mrs. Coolidge asked the man in charge if the rooster was good for more than once a day. “Dozens of times,” was the reply from the man in charge, to which Mrs. Coolidge is said to have responded, “Please tell that to the President”. When the President passed the pens he was told about the rooster, and asked “Same hen every time?” After he was told it was a different one every time, President Coolidge nodded, saying, “Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge.” And what is the Coolidge Effect? This idea, the sensation of men becoming rearoused by the idea or presence of a new female, or in laboratory testing- a rat will tire of having sex with the same rat all of the time, but when you put a new rat in front of him, his sex drive becomes reinvigorated.
Jerry? Jumbo? The Donald? Maybe we’ve misjudged his small hands after all. Maybe he really is ready to become President of the United States. Two questions remain-Do we trust him, and are we going to put him there?