Is Twitter A Tool, Or A Useless Toy?…

I was reading one of the other writers I enjoy on WordPress…what’s that?…fine!…I was reading one of the writers I enjoy on WordPress this morning…happy now?…and she was mentioning how our Narcissistic Number 45 blocked her on Twitter after only 3 tweets, and let me say…job well done…signing up to follow him…then to have the stamina and the patience to read every tweet this loud-mouthed dotard types out…We the non-Twitter People only hear and see what makes it into the news, I’m sure he tweets other nonsense that’s just pure covfefe…

And that got me thinking…what?…no, it doesn’t smell like scrapple frying in a pan!…how many other members in the Trump Cabinet of Horrors have their own Twitter accounts from which to be blocked?…members of Congress?… Senators?… corporate C.E.O.s?…how many crazy-assed world leaders are there on this Planet who are currently on Twitter?…if Kim Jong Bad Haircut has an account, there has to be others, am I right?…

How much fun would it be to get Twitter blocked by Vladimir Putin?…by Kim Jong himself?…and what could you possibly say that would insult those guys and make them block you?…maybe you’d like to tell Syrian President Bashar al-Assad what a douche he is for gassing his own people…reach out to the leader of Nambia…how about commenting on the Queen Mother’s newest hat?…do it respectfully though, her country may be one of the last allies we still have thanks to Number 45’s U.N. speech…

Like our president, Twitter can be a real tool…and like WordPress, it might be fun to see how many people I can annoy with irritatingly snide comments…

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This One’s For You Dad…

I’ve had a tough time this week…I came to the realization that it more than likely is time for a change in jobs…doing the same job for over 16 years makes it difficult  to leave and finding something new at 57 won’t be easy to do…not to mention I work for someone I consider a friend and who may be reading this in the middle of his latest bowel movement…but that’s okay, I respect him and at least he reads whatever self-important thing I happen to be driveling on about…

But this really isn’t about me…this is about someone who I’ve known for over 30 years now…and as of this moment lays in a hospital bed hooked up to a ventilator…in a hospital that is struggling to find even the slightest of reasons why he’s in his current state…don’t get me wrong, I’m not accusing anyone at the hospital of malpractice or anything…but it sure feels like they’re over-matched right now…and it has become harder each day to watch my wife’s family deal with the frustration of not knowing…and seeing my father-in-law survive thanks to the tubes he’s hooked up to…

I met my future father-in-law Joe when I helped his daughter, now my wife, move from her apartment in North Philly to one in South Jersey…the logistics of my relationship being my best freind was dating her roommate and they introduced us one intoxicated Saturday at the Jersey Shore…I don’t know, maybe it was just me who had over-indulged…anyway we got along pretty good and yadda…yadda…two weeks later I was renting a truck to help her move…not because she wanted to be closer to me…she had finished pharmacy college and got a job with a pharmaceutical company in South Jersey…

of course Joe liked me right away, helping another guy move, or in this case his daughter, is a big step in any manly friendship…and in the 30 plus years I’ve known him we’ve never had a cross word…even though I’m not really sure I would have been his first pick to marry off his daughter to…this was clear to me when I asked him in the frozen foods section of a supermarket if I could marry his daughter and his first response was, “What?”… we all know when someone answers a question with what that they’re stalling for time…further evidenced by his call for help to his wife further down the aisle, “Uh, Peg, (future mother in-law) come here please!”…the trepidation in his call for help obvious…but we worked it out, we were able to buy all the frozen seafood we needed that day, Joe agreed to let me ask his daughter, and I left the supermarket with the uneasy feeling that Joe liked me, but he thought his daughter could do better…story of my life…

Joe has always treated me like a son since I married into the family…I on the other hand have never felt comfortable calling him dad…I always felt my actual father was only deserving of that…usually it was just Joe, or Hey, uh, or So, uh, as in “Hey, uh, did you see the Penn State game?”, or “So, uh, how you doing today?”…and you know what?…I was wrong not to call him Dad…after 30 plus years of treating me like a son, of always being straight with me…making sure I knew when he was proud of me…making sure to always Pamper my kids, his grandchildrenhe’s earned it…I only hope I get the chance to tell him…

The Junk In My Drawers…

I have all the best junk in my drawers…at least that’s how President Trump would put it, am I right?…I would not of course brag about my junk the way he does, I’m a little more humble than him…especially after years of my wife telling me the junk in my drawers is just small and worthless…but don’t kid yourself…she can’t keep her hands off of my junk when it’s something she needs…she needs her battery recharged?…she gets it from my junk…she needs something sticky?…again, right there, all in my junk…something to write with?…well, this time I will brag…my small, worthless junk can satisfy that demand.

If you feel unsatisfied by the junk in your…or your significant other’s drawers…you have my Sympathy…and if you thought this was about anything other than my household junk drawer?…you should probably talk to someone about that…just don’t go looking through the junk in my drawers for the answer…

Another Way to See Walt Disney World…Without Me!

Don’t read into that the wrong way…I don’t mean Witout Me! like I never want to go there again…just the opposite…I would live there if I could…I’ve chosen to Elevate  working at Disney World to Number 1 on my list of retirement jobs…

this past Labor Day weekend my wife wanted to go to Disney World, so she did…by herself…Without Me!…a little context if you’re not familiar with my family…my daughter lives down there and works for Disney, so it’s not like she was down there all by herself running around acting like an adult who’s never grown up…no, instead my wife and daughter ran all over the World to their favorite eateries, enjoyed the spa, and even went trick-or-treating in the Magic Kingdom…like two adults who’ve never grown up…and what did I do?…

…well after making all of the hotel arrangements…setting up the Magic Express to get her back and forth to the airport…I got to enjoy the 3-day party that was my next door neighbor’s wedding…complete with loud music until the wee hours of the morning…somebody smoking pot in front of my house…and no invitation, not even a sliver of wedding cake for my troubles…but that’s okay…as long as my wife had fun, am I right?…

by now you can tell the whole thing has left me somewhat bitter…so what did I do this past weekend?…well, out of spite, I took off Friday and Saturday to go along with my scheduled day off today…and I didn’t do a darn thing…no mulching or pulling weeds from flower beds…no tree trimming…no “honey do” list chores of any kind…and I binge watched Season 5 of House of Cards…I didn’t lift a muscle…that ought to teach her to go to Walt Disney World Without Me!…

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The Eff You T-Shirt…A Personal Statement or Poor Style Choice…

I don’t get a lot of things…I’ve always been told that…and one of the things I don’t get now is why…and here I’m going to sound like my father…the younger generation feels it’s appropriate to wander around in public wearing clothing with the salutation FUCK YOU?…

UFC champion Conor McGregor…had a whole custom-fit FUCK YOU pin-striped suit…you can purchase one just like it for $6500…and if you do have $6500 laying around, contact me…I know some great charities who can put that kind of scratch to better use…

I was looking on-line for companies that actually sell t-shirts with FUCK YOU on them and while I did find one company, most of what I found were shirts with EFF YOU SEE KAY spelled out on them…one company added OWE EFF EFF to theirs, those sales and marketing geniuses…what a classy way to greet your friends…neighbors…your girlfriend…your soon to be ex-girlfriends parents…you get my point…

I won’t tell you that I’m a saint and that kind of language is beyond me…I certainly know all the words…I’m even lin-flipping- guistically skilled enough to in-frigging-sert the f-bomb in the middle of compound words to create a hyphenated compound word…however I wouldn’t be rude enough to wear them as a greeting on a t-shirt…

…I’m not trying to pontificate or Educate the younger generation, you got parents of your own and I’ve got my hands filled with the two I have…but if you feel the need to wear a shirt that says FUCK YOU or whatever, maybe tone it down some…try the not so offensive, more biblical sounding…GO FORTH AND MULTIPLY…WITH YOURSELF…see, not as offensive sounding…but it certainly tells anyone you meet to go eff themselves…

One of These Things Is Not Like the Other…

I got up early this morning to do some reading…keep up with current events, that kind of thing…I came across some headlines that for some reason I just felt didn’t belong together…

Miscommunication Is the Biggest Threat in North Korea-U.S. Standoff

or is it this…

N. Korea Claims It Tests H-Bomb That Can Fit On Intercontinental Missle

how about this one…

Why It’s So Hard For U.S. Spies To Figure Out North Korea

or is it this spine-tingling revelation…

A Wine Crisis Is Gripping Europe

With all due respect to the grape farmers…the wine makers and wine drinkers of Europe…KISS MY ASS! Kim Jong Bad Haircut says he has the ability to deliver a hydrogen bomb on the head of a missle!…

One of the largest cities in America has just experienced flooding described as “of biblical proportions”…and I’m supposed to be worried about whether Europe has enough wine to drink? I think you can tell my choice for silliest headline of the weekend, right?

And whoever placed these news headlines together, as if their somehow equally important…under the heading of  WORLD NEWS on the Comcast homepage this morning…your design page layout choices are Priceless …absurdly so…and you might want to find another job, or al least work on your sense of proportion…