Frogger…Valerie Bertinelli…And Sir Isaac Newton

On a recent Sunday morning at the grocery store, as part of my position as junior Service Team Leader (who says seniority doesn’t have its advantages?) I had to head out to the parking lot to join in what I like to call shopping cart FROGGER…you remember, that video game where you have to get frogs across a road full of traffic or a river with hungry alligators?…

Now, our store has literally hundreds of carts available for customers…and being a Sunday morning, the place was jumping by 9 AM…retrieving grocery carts doesn’t really take a lot of thought, more brawn than brains…and at my workplace it’s treated like an all-day job with anywhere between 2-4 employees retrieving carts depending on both day and time of day…they do other things too, emptying trash, assisting customers to their cars…they can be very helpful…

It was while pushing 7 or 8 smaller carts from one of the more distant corrals…and dodging not one, but two different customers who chose to back out of their spots with no regard for me or anyone else…that for some reason, I began to think about Frogger and Newton’s Laws of Motion…excuse me, Sir Isaac Newton…and how all this applied to the job I was doing…things in motion staying in motion…equal and opposite forces…that 3 laws crap…

Let me try to apply Newton’s laws to the simple act of pushing grocery carts…the carts will keep moving as long as I’m pushing them…or until another force…say, the bumper of that car backing out of a parking space?…is applied against mine…when put that way, it’s pretty easy to see where Newton was going, am I right?…

0E1EFA71-B904-40D0-B237-B4052EAF8AD6I’m no physicist, but I remember this stuff being much more difficult in high school, mostly because I was an idiot…but also because the girl in front of me could have been Valerie Bertinelli’s doppelgänger…remember her?…she was the good daughter on “One Day At A Time” and eventually married Eddie Van Halen?…difficult to concentrate on Newton’s nonsense with a really cute-almost Valerie Bertinelli sitting at the desk just in front of me…ignoring me…the whole semester…I often wonder if Newton would have been so smart if he had someone who looked like Valerie Bertinelli sitting at the desk in front of him?…


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