Giving Thanks At the Market?…Well, Maybe Not So Much For Everyone…

Yes, this is but another in a close-Knit  and endless stream of posts about my new job at the grocery store…if you want the latest on Number 45 and his Cabinet of Horrors you clicked on the wrong post…it’s also not a very imaginative use of the Daily Prompt Word knit…

Anywho, in my position as the most junior of all of the Front End Service Team Leaders, this has been a good week to work with other Front End employees and managers…and unfortunately also get my rear end handed to me…it was one thing learning HOW to work as a cashier…but something totally different learning how to work WITH the cashiers and help them through their hang-ups…their register issues…not their emotional hang-ups, for those they can use the Employee Assistance Program or their favorite bartender…if their over 21 of course…sorry if that sounds cold…

this week they issued to me several cards…with printing barely legible because of the amazing amount of information…department numbers, phone numbers…all printed so small even with glasses on it was difficult to make out the numbers…add the pressure of a line of customers waiting for me to fix things…to figure out product codes or pricing when the item has none…why their credit or debit card was denied…the difference between in-date and out-of-date coupons…like I said…rear end?…meet front end…

I did learn some things the hard way, however my performance was not what you could call one of a seasoned professional in the grocery industry…I unfortunately maybe inadvertently ticked off a few customers with my new found incompetence?…not because that was my goal…however, I think I also showed great patience with some customers…I find it amazing that a customer can come running into the store and without even attempting to look around, ask…

“Where are the cranberries?”…

”Well…what kind would you like mam?…fresh cranberries, frozen, or canned?”…

”Oh, never mind. I’ll just wander around the store!”…

Uh?…Okay then, Happy Thanksgiving to you, mam?”…

Sorry…but that’s just not shopping to me…and no, I don’t know the precise location of every  item in the store…we have an phone app for that…she could have looked it up before she even left home…saving us both from that uncomfortable exchange… 

…even in the face of a really irate customer who wanted to buy two turkeys…who didn’t read the dates on the sales flyer and who came to the register with two frozen turkeys EA164E10-C2FD-4190-A954-F50535481935and enough attitude to stuff both those birds…she might have gotten her price too…if only she hadn’t been verbally abusive to the employee at the register…a 17-year old…tell me we suck and then threaten me you have a blog?…

WHO IN THE NAME OF SAM HILL DOESN’T HAVE A BLOG?…And let me guess?…she added it on your Facebook timeline too?…hopefully for her and her family, Chinese food restaurants are open on Thanksgiving…am I right?

There were lots of other inter-actions with customers…some good…some not so much…usually my fault…but I’m looking forward to the end of my first month…all the while realizing that delivering packages for FedEx for the last 16+ years has taught me almost nothing…it’s time to actually use my brain again…

IMG_0142

Are You Friggin’ Kidding Me!…

I can’t believe the display currently set up at the grocery store where my talents (?) are currently on display…it spits in the face of every Eagles fan and gives us just one more reason to hate the Dallas Cowboys…not that Eagles fans need any added incentive…this is Eagles-Cowboys week…the first of 2 games against the team Eagles fans LOATHE and DESPISE the most…maybe more than the Giants and the Redskins, the other 2 teams in the NFC East… combined!…at least I know I do…

So what is it that has my midnight green shorts in a bunch?…let me start at the retail level and my current employer…although if they keep displaying silly things like the one I’m going to get around to eventually describing, it may be not for long…but, how in thee name of “Concrete” Charlie Bednarik can any self-respecting manager allow this particular item to enter a store in SE Pennsylvania?…makes me wanna start throwing snowballs again (remember?…the whole throwing snowballs at Santa?…it’s supposed to be a joke?)…anyway, I tried to use all the leverage that a junior Front End Service Team Leader…in training…can muster up, and I demanded the store powers that be remove this insulting, ridiculous item immediately!…yeah?, so no, not gonna happen…

Okay, that having failed…I now have to rely on a groundswell of customer complaints to any retail business that chooses to stock this ridiculous item…what is it that some Droll employee over at NFL Marketing has decided every Eagle fan needs?…that Eagles-Cowboys week would be the best time to roll this abomination out?…take a look at this piece of NFL collectible garbage!…

That’s right Birds fans…don’t know how good you can see it, but that beloved Eagles helmet has been placed in a Dallas Cowboys box…where’s the outrage?…why isn’t Eagles owner Jeffrey Laurie demanding these be removed?…immediately…getting paid is probably why…but this thing sucks…I’ll bet money it isn’t sold at the Linc on gamedays…can you imagine the riot this thing would cause?..and before you fans of other NFL teams start thinking this is just an Eagles-Cowboys thing…check your local grocer..bet they have one for your squad too…and finally…please keep in mind…NFL helmets…even from official suppliers…do not prevent concussions…your kid would have just as good a chance if he/she wore the box it came in…that unfortunately is no joke…

 

He’s A Moron Who Should Be Fired…Today!

In our lifetimes we’ve all come across someone who is clueless and should NOT be in the position they’re in…enter the newest addition…Michael Felger. I can honestly say I had never heard of him before this…and I hope to never see or hear from him again…but that’s up to his employers at CBS Radio…

His crime?…an on-air rant about Roy Halladay and his unfortunate death in a plane crash this past week…the highlights as told by Des Bieler and Marissa Payne from the Washington Post:

“This is the kind of death that makes me angry,”…comments that dripped with disdain for what he described as Halladay’s recklessness…calling the former Blue Jays and Phillies ace, who died at age 40 and left behind a wife and two sons, a “moron” and a “jackass.”

“It angers me. Someone, who, I don’t know, is so cavalier about life, and just doesn’t appreciate the tenuousness of life, and is willing to screw around with life and death? Especially when you have children, or a family?” Felger said. “That guy’s like the bad guy to me. You’ve got a family! And you’re going to screw around in a little toy plane?”

At various points, Felger employed a high-pitched, mocking tone of voice, as he mimicked Halladay and others performing daredevil stunts in planes. “‘Wheee! Oh look, I just landed on the water, everybody! I’m going to tweet it!’ Splat,” he said. “You’re dead. With two kids. Moron.”

I think it’s easy to see who the moron in this story is…

Roy Halladay was someone who many people looked up to…his family and friends…and the many fans in Toronto and Philadelphia who watched him play and conduct himself as a professional…something Felger knows nothing about…his rant was nothing more than a classless excuse for a radio hot take meant to get his name in the news…and he should without delay be fired for it…I get the feeling that CBS doesn’t have the balls though…they’re the vehicle that allows Felger to Strut his brand of shock radio and he got their name in the news thanks to their guilt by association…

To tell the whole story…not that I want to give this guy any more thought than I already have…I will add his on-air apology to this post…not because I thought he was sincere…I don’t…but, because we all know the division that’s been caused in this country by lying, insincere, morons when we don’t hear both sides of a story…his apology:

In his apology on Thursday, Felger said he felt especially remorseful about how his “over-the-top” comments may have affected Halladay’s grieving family.

“I could come in and say ‘I apologize if I offended anyone,’ but that’s fake and hollow and everyone hates that, don’t you? Isn’t that the worst, when someone comes in and says that? Besides, the only folks that I would really want to extend that to are the loved ones of Halladay,” he said. “They’re the ones dealing with enough right now, not to have to have me come over the top and do what I did yesterday. So, sorry doesn’t do that justice as it relates to them. That one’s gonna stick with me for a while.”

Felger didn’t walk back his comments entirely, however. He added, “There is stuff that I did mean,” referring to Wednesday comments, but criticized his own presentation and tone.

“The hyperbole was just low-class, bad, not good,” he said. “I don’t feel good about it.”

but it made him relevant to many of us who had never heard of him before!…as I read through his apology I find myself asking what stuff did he mean, and if you’re telling me you meant what you said…what the hell kind of apology is that?!!! …and am I supposed to feel sorry for you because you say this one’s going to stick with you?…is he somehow making himself out as some sort of victim in all of this?…

Michael Felger: The next splat I would like to here is the sound of your pathetic radio career coming to an end…oh, and the Jerk Store called and their running out of you…

moron!….jackass!…

 

The Final Ride of Johnny and His Immortal Short Pants…

As a deliverer of supposedly small packages…(150 lbs or less and size don’t matter)…last Friday I took what I pray is a final lap around the town which I both live and deliver in…cheerily delivering packages that my fellow friends(?) and Neighbors  lacked the ambition to go to the store and pick-up themselves…after 16 plus years I’m finally moving on…you win e-commerce, I can’t take it anymore…

Depending where you live, you’ve probably noticed a UPS or a FedEx courier running around in his (or her) shorts well into winter…for me, the goal was always at least Christmas, it seemed like the most logical day since I always tried to take the week between Christmas and New Years Day off…and for some childish reason I felt I always needed to be the last man standing, the last guy in the terminal to wear shorts everyday…like it was some badge of honor that anyone other than me actually gave two craps about…so thanks to global warming…what else could allow a grown-ass man in southeast Pennsylvania to run around in short pants until Christmas?…upon me was bestowed the name Johnny Shortpants…

Yeah, it’s not anything to be real proud of, but at my age, it’s all I had…so I took it…and as I sit and write this, I ask myself, how ridiculous must I have looked on those cold winter mornings wearing just shorts and 5-6 layers of clothing and a winter coat to keep my upper body warm?…like some kind of blue Stay Puft Marshmellow Man…

So I move on to the next job in my life…in the grocery industry…indoors…wondering how I ever got the job and praying Amazon doesn’t screw that up for me too…knowing for what it’s worth I did the best I could in the last one…knowing after a week or two, probably sooner, nobody will care that I’m no longer there…knowing my friend and former boss who couldn’t see it in his heart to bring in a cake, EA164E10-C2FD-4190-A954-F50535481935or a box of donuts on my last day, not even a simple Hallmark card signed by my co-workers…guess he didn’t know they have stores with aisles filled with cards for just this kind of thing?…he will now be able to make more money off my departure…maybe not at first, but eventually…good for you boss, you deserve it…

The Eff You T-Shirt…A Personal Statement or Poor Style Choice…

I don’t get a lot of things…I’ve always been told that…and one of the things I don’t get now is why…and here I’m going to sound like my father…the younger generation feels it’s appropriate to wander around in public wearing clothing with the salutation FUCK YOU?…

UFC champion Conor McGregor…had a whole custom-fit FUCK YOU pin-striped suit…you can purchase one just like it for $6500…and if you do have $6500 laying around, contact me…I know some great charities who can put that kind of scratch to better use…

I was looking on-line for companies that actually sell t-shirts with FUCK YOU on them and while I did find one company, most of what I found were shirts with EFF YOU SEE KAY spelled out on them…one company added OWE EFF EFF to theirs, those sales and marketing geniuses…what a classy way to greet your friends…neighbors…your girlfriend…your soon to be ex-girlfriends parents…you get my point…

I won’t tell you that I’m a saint and that kind of language is beyond me…I certainly know all the words…I’m even lin-flipping- guistically skilled enough to in-frigging-sert the f-bomb in the middle of compound words to create a hyphenated compound word…however I wouldn’t be rude enough to wear them as a greeting on a t-shirt…

…I’m not trying to pontificate or Educate the younger generation, you got parents of your own and I’ve got my hands filled with the two I have…but if you feel the need to wear a shirt that says FUCK YOU or whatever, maybe tone it down some…try the not so offensive, more biblical sounding…GO FORTH AND MULTIPLY…WITH YOURSELF…see, not as offensive sounding…but it certainly tells anyone you meet to go eff themselves…

One of These Things Is Not Like the Other…

I got up early this morning to do some reading…keep up with current events, that kind of thing…I came across some headlines that for some reason I just felt didn’t belong together…

Miscommunication Is the Biggest Threat in North Korea-U.S. Standoff

or is it this…

N. Korea Claims It Tests H-Bomb That Can Fit On Intercontinental Missle

how about this one…

Why It’s So Hard For U.S. Spies To Figure Out North Korea

or is it this spine-tingling revelation…

A Wine Crisis Is Gripping Europe

With all due respect to the grape farmers…the wine makers and wine drinkers of Europe…KISS MY ASS! Kim Jong Bad Haircut says he has the ability to deliver a hydrogen bomb on the head of a missle!…

One of the largest cities in America has just experienced flooding described as “of biblical proportions”…and I’m supposed to be worried about whether Europe has enough wine to drink? I think you can tell my choice for silliest headline of the weekend, right?

And whoever placed these news headlines together, as if their somehow equally important…under the heading of  WORLD NEWS on the Comcast homepage this morning…your design page layout choices are Priceless …absurdly so…and you might want to find another job, or al least work on your sense of proportion…

Donald, Hillary & Just One Positive Thing

At the end of the day, did they make us believe their answers to a truly pointless question?

Anyone who chose not to or was unable to watch the 2nd Presidential Debate last night missed one of the more heartwarming moments of the campaign. It was without question however none of these…

No…Bill didn’t share an I’ve Missed You Hug with the targets of his former dalliances, conveniently seated nearby thanks to some last minute seating arrangements.

No…Grandmom Hillary didn’t invite the grandkids up on stage after the debate to watch their mother, Chelsea, reprise her role of the Favorite Aunt in Tchaikovsky’s The Nutcracker.

No…Hillary didn’t give a special shout-out to FBI Director James Comey thanking him for all of his years of service…and for looking the other way on all those emails.

No…Hillary didn’t invite all of Donald’s  Deplorables on stage to apologize and then send them lovingly away with a slice of Grandmom Hillary’s Apple Pie.

No…Donald didn’t promise if elected he would pardon away Hillary deleting those emails. In fact, he pledged to hire a special prosecutor to investigate Hillary and throw her in jail if warranted (much to the delight of his supporters I’m sure).

No…Donald didn’t invite all of Mexico over to his place for a Cinco de Mayo festival next year. Not even the good ones as he likes to call them.

No…The former students of Trump U did not come on stage to thank The Donald for the world class education they received at his university. 

And No…New York State Attorney General Eric Schneiderman did not step on stage to tell Donald it was all a big misunderstanding, that the notice to stop fundraising he sent to the Donald J. Trump Foundation was just for laughs.

What you would have seen and heard in this sometimes out-of-control town hall meeting was a question straight out of a marriage encounter retreat…or from my 4th grade school teacher after she broke up a fight between me and my no longer best friend Danny Kelly on the playground.

The final question of the night’s political pillow fight (you know what I mean, everyone swings real hard but nobody really gets hurt) came from Undecided Voter Karl Becker, who asked the two candidates;

“My question to both of you is, regardless of the current rhetoric, would either of you name one positive thing that you respect in one another?”

Here is where Donald absolutely outshines Hillary. His answer, no matter how insincere it was, actually was mostly complimentary and somewhat thought out. Hillary on the other hand, refused to compliment Trump himself, choosing the more indirect route of saying he had great kids.

From Hillary:

“Look, I respect his children. His children are incredibly able and devoted, and I think that says a lot about Donald. I don’t agree with nearly anything else he says or does, but I do respect that. I think that is something that as a mother and a grandmother is very important to me.” Say what you want about her, but she didn’t fall into the trap of praising her opponent directly.

And then Mr. Trump dove right into the pool without his water wings:

“She doesn’t quit. She doesn’t give up. I respect that. I tell it like it is. She’s a fighter,” Trump said. “I disagree with much of what she’s fighting for. I do disagree with her judgment in many cases. But she does fight hard, and she doesn’t quit, and she doesn’t give up. And I consider that to be a very good trait.”

Trump then politely thanked Clinton for her disingenuous flattery of his children (it was that obvious), and Hillary then silently thanked Trump for supplying the next sound bite in her TV and radio ads.

 Flattery