Recycling My Tribute To Santa’s e-Commerce Mutants…An Annual Holiday Classic?…

As a driver delivering packages for Federal Express, this particular Saturday was always among my least favorite. In all the boroughs and townships that my route 9588D292-8E1D-4386-A09B-51FA9C508A65consisted of, it was fire truck Santa Clause day…I despised it…so much so that last year I wrote my own fantasy / true life tribute to my fellow drivers at FedEx Home Delivery and all they deal with during the busy holiday season…all they have to work around on fire truck Santa day…I’ve included it below…give it a read if you have some time…

 

Santa And the e-Commerce Mutants

Today…down at the grocery store…things come full-circle as the bearded wonder makes a visit to my new workplace…but unlike all those years as one of Santa’s e-Commerce mutants…happily…thanks to my quirky schedule…I won’t have to deal with all of the craziness that comes with a Saturday morning with Santa and kids all hopped up on candy canes and Hershey Bars…and today I can look on…Silent…from my front window as the fire truck Santa and his volunteer fire fighting elves…(thank you for your service boys)…make their way through my neighborhood blowing their siren…ringing the bell…honking their horn…all to let kids know that Santa and his helpers are just outside…blocking traffic…and handing out candy canes left over from last year’s Christmas ride…you don’t really think the townships and boroughs throw the leftovers out, do ya?…

To my former co-workers and friends at FedEx…be safe today and hang in there…it’s almost over…until January when everyone starts spending those gift cards they got for Christmas…during all those on-line after-Christmas sales…sometimes e-Commerce really sucks…

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Saturday Orientation…Wait, What Did She Just Say?…

First day on the new job was just a simple 3-hour orientation seminar. No real earth-shattering information came from all of this…did hear how much my new employer was opposed to unions in their family business (I agree for now)…so much of the morning was spent listening to the store manager talk to us about their dislike for unions, then introducing a video where they?…you guessed it…talked more about the family environment they’ve worked hard to create…and how introducing a union into that environment could change all they’ve created (again, I agree)…

The video was also a highlights tape of happy customers singing the praises of my new employer…many of the clips and comments seemed to be from folks attending new store openings…hopefully these folks have retained that same love…there was one clip that made me almost laugh out loud until I looked around the room and saw I was the only immature one smiling…

Sometimes how a person says something is every bit as important as what the message is…what do I mean?…we’re all Americans, for the point of this post I’m only speaking about people born in the good old USA…here’s why…if you were born here, you’re native language is probably the English language that many of us butcher daily…the biggest difference being how you say something…location, location, location…the regional differences in the sound of our spoken words…or, somebody from Georgia may say the same thing as someone from, let’s say Maine, but it will sound different because of our various regional accents…

In the video clip they show the opening of a new store in one of the New England states…I know that because they have no stores below Virginia…and amidst all the celebrating and fanfare a woman steps up to the microphone and says…

It’s like a tailgate party in here!”, which sounds more like, because of her accent and my failure to act like a grown-up, “It’s like a tailgate potty in here!” (ba-dum-ching)

Yes, you read this far just so I could get in a cheap, juvenile potty joke…but really what else did you have to do this morning, read more about Narcissistic Number 45 and his Asian tour?…the Russia probe?…Crooked Hillary?…watching lame videos of Sarah Huckabee Sanders Dancing with White House press reporters…it’s still okay to laugh occasionally, even if it’s juvenile potty humor…

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