Another Option for Disney…

Whether you’re a fan of Disney or not, you’ve probably heard of The Hall of Presidents attraction in Walt Disney World in Florida. And maybe you also know it’s currently closed for refurbishment…the newest addition will be the bust of President Trump.

It might be the most controversial thing Disney has ever done…petitions have been signed asking Disney to exclude Trump from The Hall…or at least to not allow him to speak during the show…since 1993 the current President has always given a speech… 

Groups like MoveOn.org have been involved in the fight to exclude Trump from The  Hall, doing what they do best…starting petitions…with all due respect to their efforts, seems like they would have bigger issues deserving of their attention…and of course We the People argue the issue all over the internet…as mean-spirited and divided as ever…with little or no compromise to the debate available…

Well, let’s see if we can change that…maybe make both sides happy happy…it also has been announced that Disney will be changing its Pirates of the Caribbean attraction…again…this time to make it more politically correct. If you’ve been to the parks…been on the ride…you remember the part where your boat floats past a slave auction…all women in chains…to the chant of “We wants the redhead! We wants the redhead”, coming from the assembled pirates, cutthroats, and scurvy scum. Disney wants to change that…okay I get it. But just like The Hall, many have spoken out against the change…some still mad that Jack Sparrow has been added…here’s my suggestion…

Keep the Dems and groups like MoveOn.org happy and don’t add the bust of President Trump…instead, dedicate the Pirates ride to Trump and the members of his cabinet. IMG_0471The part of the ride with the slave auction…the slaves are now played by various We the People…the pirates…you guessed it…his various cabinet members…pirates all, and shouting in unison, “We wants the redhead! We wants the redhead!”, to President Trump, smiling and waving from a window in the west wing. And as a bonus…your boat will now Sail  past a  life-like crooked Hillary Clinton…(his words…not mine) now behind bars, trying to coax that little dog to give her the keys to the cell door…low-key chants of “Lock her up! Lock her up!”, in the background…remember this is a ride dedicated to President Trump…have to give them what they want…

and now leaving The Hall to the Democrats…once again dividing We the People as much as ever…this time simply over two damned amusement park attractions…

The Return of Darth Neighbor

Yes, the name Darth Neighbor is a cheap rip-off of Star Wars evil-doer Darth Vader, but when I was swinging plastic light sabers in the back yard against my 6-year old son and the neighbor kid, I was usually forced to represent the Dark Side of the force. No problem, we all know Lord Vader had the highest Midichlorian count in the Star Wars universe, so it stands to assume the Dark Side would have ruled my neighborhood as well.

Always cast as the villain, I created a dark Star Wars persona of my own, that of Darth Neighbor, the ultimate power not only in my back yard, but possibly in all of the Providence Ridge housing development.

My own interest in Star Wars ended with Return of the Jedi and the destruction of the second Death Star, however the release of The Phantom Menace inspired a new generation of fans in the franchise (not me though), and inspired the galactic battles that raged in my yard after I got home from work. And of course, only after those little Jedi nuts had finished any homework assignments for the day.

The battles usually took less time than it took the Millenium Falcon to complete the Kessel Run, were always un-choreographed, usually just me chasing a couple of pint-sized wannabe Jedi Knights around the yard, through swing sets, around bushes and trees, between cars, whatever obstacle they could run around or hide behind. But unlike Star Wars, in the universe called my back yard, the Dark Side always prevailed.

Just as Old Ben Kenobi had buried the memories of his days as Obi-Wan, I also forgot about my days as the ass-kicking Darth Neighbor. Until this year, when my daughter reminded me of those days when she sent me my personalized magic band for my trip down to see her at Disney World.

Now, don’t get me wrong, Katie is like a Star Wars historian, but she’s also a pretty good athlete. And she knew the one way to guarantee my attention was to pull out the hockey net and it wouldn’t be long before I showed up. To her credit, she also padded up and laced on her roller blades for those father/daughter games in our driveway; so how could I ignore that much effort? 

When my son and the neighbor kid played, the games deteriorated into watching two Tasmanian Devils hitting the ball everywhere but at the net. It was their own out-of-control brand of “dump and chase” hockey, and like two Unmoored ships in a hurricane, they crashed into each other often and knew no boundaries of any kind, and it went on until one of them slashed the other hard enough in the shins or on the hand with their stick. This usually sent the aggrieved party home or back in the house for first aid or to have a sandwich and a glass of milk or some damn thing, leaving just my daughter “Skates” and me to practice our slap shots and our triple deeks.

And when that box with the magic bands arrived, she also reminded me of the times when father/daughter fun was spent just shooting pucks at a net in my driveway…just the two of us.