So Many Memories…All Could Be Yours For the Right Price…

We’re finally doing this…after years of threatening to do it, the wife and I are finally having a yard sale…or is it a garage sale?…and what the heck is the difference anyway?…

We’ve finally decided that we don’t need 3600 square feet of house on a one acre yard, so we’re finally putting this dump and just about all of its contents up for sale…all offers, reasonable or unreasonable, will be considered…make our stuff your stuff to sell at your own garage sale in the future…

My wife has been threatening to have one of these for so long our garage is bursting at the seams with all of our unwanted and or slightly damaged home goods…our out of style and ill-fitting clothes that most normal people wouldn’t get caught dead in…and some things that serve absolutely no purpose in a normal functioning household…these things and more could be yours on Saturday, June 23rd at what could be the biggest yard sale of the day in SE Pennsylvania…I know, I’ve got you hooked, am I right?…

If I had my druthers we’d sell it all and flee with the proceeds to Florida, but…the Mrs. ain’t quite ready to do that yet…she still feels as if she can make a contribution to society…I on the other hand, stopped believing that on my 18th birthday when I started my new job at the sewer plant shoveling the byproduct of all the incoming sewage and the required separation of solids from all that incoming sewage…yep, I shoveled sh*t…but that’s okay, I made a lot more money than all my friends who were working at McDonalds…

D57B78F8-5967-4CD5-810D-3AFC19BE2DEDThe hardest part of getting ready for this yard sale is trying to decide what goes and what stays, do we sell off my wife’s old high school cheerleading megaphone…the fact that we still have that tells you how difficult it will be for her to part with it…she’s 57 years old for crap sakes…

…do we get rid of my now 18 year old hockey practice jerseys?…my sticks?…

…maybe those, but never my jerseys from Flyers Dream Week in Montreal…in Canada…

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…and what about my LEGO Star Wars Tie Fighter?…all 1,684 pieces of it…it was supposed to be 1685, but they shorted me one piece from the set…those bastards…okay, the Yoda can go, not the Tie Fighter though…geez, it’s dusty up there in the Star Wars Universe…

 

how about my collection of Hess trucks?…

…or my 4 copies of the Captain America Dies comic book that I bought on eBay?…

…my Boy Scout patches from troops in different councils around the country…surely they will be worth something someday…

…Or all of my HO scale trains…had some of them since I was a kid…can’t just give them away at some yard sale…can I?

…what about our kids and all of their toys?…their only in their twenties, they might want to still play with them someday…if we get rid of them, all they’ll have left is a bunch of broken crayola crayons and half-colored-in coloring books to keep them occupied…

So, as you can see, we have a lot of gut wrenching decisions to make this week…all of which will be followed by the sad chore of trying to find a place to get rid of all our stuff that nobody bought at the sale…followed by the even sadder chore of packing up all of remaining memories and getting ready to move…

…that’s it, I’ve got to call this thing off before someone gets hurt…

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The Junk In My Drawers…

I have all the best junk in my drawers…at least that’s how President Trump would put it, am I right?…I would not of course brag about my junk the way he does, I’m a little more humble than him…especially after years of my wife telling me the junk in my drawers is just small and worthless…but don’t kid yourself…she can’t keep her hands off of my junk when it’s something she needs…she needs her battery recharged?…she gets it from my junk…she needs something sticky?…again, right there, all in my junk…something to write with?…well, this time I will brag…my small, worthless junk can satisfy that demand.

If you feel unsatisfied by the junk in your…or your significant other’s drawers…you have my Sympathy…and if you thought this was about anything other than my household junk drawer?…you should probably talk to someone about that…just don’t go looking through the junk in my drawers for the answer…