When It’s Time to Go…

The Mrs. and me have been working all summer to get the house ready to sell…been here for just about 24 years, kids are almost on their own, and a 3700 square foot house on 1 acre of yard just doesn’t have the appeal that it used to…

So, we’ve spent the summer packing, fixing, and arguing about what is done, what isn’t done, what still needs to be done, and at times questioning my selections of some contractors we’ve had around the house the past couple of months…a list of improvements to the house the last 2 months goes like this:

  • re-finishing wooden floors throughout the downstairs
  • new kitchen countertops (along with a new sink and faucet)
  • re-painting just about every room downstairs along with the hallway, and master bedroom and bathroom
  • brand new windows on the 2nd story of the house
  • 2 separate visits from the plumber to repair and replace old and failing plumbing
  • fireplace and stove servicing company
  • a landscape contractor because… I’m No Gardener Either…  and… I’m Still No Gardener…Part 2…
  • a window cleaner…what the hell?…spending thousands already to fix the place up, what’s a couple hundred more between friends?…
  • Stanley Steemer, got to clean the rugs, am I right…

Everything really came to a head when on one Friday I had the painters, the window installers, and the window cleaners all in the house at the same time…now you might think that’s poor planning, but I didn’t plan on the painter taking 10 full days to paint the house (neither did he to be honest), the window installers came late because all the rain we’ve had recently has messed up their schedule, and the window cleaners were there the same day as the window installers because, blah…blah…blah…you get my point…

And all of this was sandwiched around 2 truckloads of stuff I now have to store in a storage place so that the house shows better, a garage sale, assembling a large charitable donation of stuff we don’t use and stuff that didn’t sell at the garage sale, and  working 40+ hours a week at the market… 

So on one of my days off, I figured it would be a good time to pack up my personal stuff…non-clothing items I wouldn’t need until we figure out where we’re going to live once we sell the house…and both surprisingly and sadly, it all fit into just one large Home Depot moving box…and it also brought to my memory the movie, The Jerk with Steve Martin…remember that scene where he’s leaving the house and he’s taking his stuff with him…in my true Navin R. Johnson style…

“Well I’m gonna to go then! And I don’t need anything..except this…my orange jersey from Flyers Dream Week…and that’s the only thing I need…just this jersey…and my hockey card from Dream Week – The jersey and the hockey cards and that’s all I need…and my expired New Jersey real estate license. – The jersey, the hockey cards, and the real estate license, and that’s all I need… and these Hess trucks. – the jersey, and these cards, the license, and the Hess Trucks… and this wizard statue. – The jersey, these cards, and the expired license, and the Hess trucks, and the wizard, that’s all I need…And these runDisney medals – the jersey, these cards, the expired license, the trucks, the wizard statue, and the medals, that’s all I need…and my high school diploma and transcripts, and that’s all I need too. I don’t need one other thing, not one…just these – the jersey, and the cards, and the expired real estate license, the Hess trucks, the wizard statue, the medals, and my high school transcripts…and the diploma for sure.”

Well what are you looking at? What do you think I’m some kind of a jerk or something!

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I Know She’s Holding Out On Me…

My wife’s walk-in closet fell apart last weekend. Again…her walk-in closet, no longer able to endure the stress being placed upon it…collapsed.

Now, I don’t usually look into her closet, but when I heard the sound of broken shelving and twisted metal…not to mention her scream for help…I reluctantly went up stairs knowing exactly what I was about to see…

And still I was shocked. 

My wife has always been a working professional in the drug industry, so she has many suits and other clothing stuff that business professionals wear. When you combine that with clothes for different seasons, physical changes, age, and the fact that she is a self-admitted pack-rat…we still have the megaphone high school cheerleaders yell into sitting in my garage…that we brought with us from New Jersey…that she brought with her to our house in New Jersey…from Pennsylvania…after we got married…by now you get my point.

She’s bought more suits and clothing than I could ever think possible. I think she also suffers from paralysis by analysis when it comes to what clothing to get rid of, be it out of style, no longer fitting as it did when purchased…whatever…

As much as her vast wardrobe shocked me…nothing could prepare me for the shoes. The Imelda Marcos shoe museum should have so many shoes. Which brings me to the title of this post…she said she counted 208 pairs of shoes…I know there’s more…I think she only counted the ones in her closet and our bedroom…I don’t think she’s gotten around to the other rooms yet. I’m willing to go out on the limb of a shoe tree that she has over 300…

If you’re shocked by that number…welcome. If not, then you’ve probably wasted your time reading this.

Upon seeing the destruction and the hopelessness of her closet, I agreed to go out and help her get the materials needed to re-build a closet capable of standing up to such pressure…

While I was thinking local home center, 2×8’s, 3/4 inch plywood, hex bolts and drywall screws, she had a different idea…The Container Store…with it’s fancy wire racking, various types of boxes and containers…expensively fancy stuff…nice to look at…and not made of wood like I suggested…all the salespeople were closet consultants and not some guy wearing bib overalls like at the home center.

In conclusion…my wife took the opportunity to donate clothing and shoes to various charity groups in need of women’s clothing…something she admits she probably should have been doing all along…so I guess it all worked out in the end…

I just don’t understand why she’s giving me a hard time about my 8 pairs of shoes…hell, 2 of them can’t even be worn in the house…